i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
