i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
