Kiss
Puke
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
