I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
