Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
