Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
