im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
