Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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