am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
