he shaved USA in his pubs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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