I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
