Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
