whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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