Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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