my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
