I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
