For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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