So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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