my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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