You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
