Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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