I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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