I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
