Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
