i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
