why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
