You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
