i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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