Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize