im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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