So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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