I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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