so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
