the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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