i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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