good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
