Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
