I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've blown a few things in my day
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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