What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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