Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
