NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
