Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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