Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize