I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
