I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
