Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
