in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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