Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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