I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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