That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
