OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
