oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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