i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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