Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
