i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
