so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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