I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
