Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
