sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
