I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
