I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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