well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
