Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
