the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need a beard to bite.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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