I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
