so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
