I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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