One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need moral support for this bender
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
