I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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