MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
