didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
