quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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