"it" just moved
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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