My friends, they love my intelligence
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
