U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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