Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
