Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
